Snapshots and Time

While looking through some photo frames over the weekend on one of our many shopping trips, Keven Jr. zeroed in on a black frame that had 'WOOF' written across the top of it in silver lettering. Ever since we talked to the kids about Fargo and what's to come he's been very focused on 'remembering him when he dies'. Talk about breaking your heart.

But hey, he's got a point. He also got me thinking.

We don't have many photos of our dogs from their later years. Most of the ones we have tucked away in photo albums or stored on our computer hard drives are from when they were puppies or young adults. Which in theory totally makes sense since the last seven years my subjects in most of my photographs have been my children.

And that's completely unfair; our dogs are part of our family too.

So I pulled out my camera tonight after dinner was done and took some snapshots. Snapshots that will forever remind us of this time in our life, with our pets.

Here's my favorite one from the bunch I took tonight:

He's still going strong.

And for now that's how I want to remember him.

Five weeks was all it took

The night before our 3rd check-up vet appointment, Keven Jr. was sitting on the floor with Fargo and we noticed a new lump at the base of Fargo's tail. A lump that wasn't there earlier that day, a lump that showed up out of nowhere. It's about the size of a golf ball.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, go here for the back story. It might make more sense.

At our vet appointment the next day, the vet removed Fargo's stitches and put in staples, just to put stitches back in again. While we were finishing up our appointment, talking about where we go from here, the staples started to come out, one by one. We left the vet office without Fargo and returned later to pick him up with new stitches. A few more weeks I think is all it will take for the surgery site to be completely healed.......just a few more weeks.

Unfortunately though that's just the good news.

The lump at the base of Fargo's tail is another mast cell tumor. When the vet told us that the original tumor was a mast cell, aggressive and fast moving - he wasn't joking. I think we finally realized that when this new tumor developed and our vet told us that he wouldn't do another surgery to remove it. It would be pointless he advised as another tumor was likely to pop up. And besides, the new tumor is so close to the original one, and so close to his tail that the vet would have to amputate the tail as well. We just can't put Fargo (and our family) through another aggressive surgery to make him well. No matter what we do at this point, it is what it is. CANCER.

So the reality of it all is this; Fargo's days are numbered yet we have no idea how long, or how short his time left with us will be. We've talked and talked and talked about what to do and when and ultimately decided that we are just going to let nature take its course and enjoy our time left with him to the fullest. We cannot afford chemotherapy and radiation treatments - bottom line. We don't want to see him sick from the treatments, and we don't want to put the kids through that either. If his quality of life starts to deteriorate, or if the new tumor ulcerates like the other one did, we'll make the decision at that time whether or not to continue on or put him to sleep. We don't want to see him suffer in any way shape or form, period. And as of right now he's still the same dog as he ever was; energetic, alert, and neurotic. He doesn't appear sick at all but we know it's coming. And I think we've prepared ourselves for it the best way we can.

In other news:

Keven Jr. lost his second tooth a week or so ago. He actually pulled this one out all by himself!

The kids had a great time on Halloween; the weather was beautiful and pleasant and the kids made out like bandits in the candy department as they always do. Keven Jr. was Bumblebee by day and Mario by night. Isaac decided that he wanted to be Buzz Lightyear, Luigi AND Batman. All in one day. And I did what any other mother would do - I let him.

I enjoyed a quiet birthday this year at the end of October with my family. Our Thanksgiving was just as quiet, celebrated with some friends.

It's been so long since I've posted here, I'm sure I'm missing a ton of things, but at any rate things have been fine. The kids have been busy with school, me and Keven have been busy with work, we've been hanging out as a family and well, as most of you probably can imagine; life barrels on like a runaway train. I'd be lying if I didn't say that a lot of our time and thoughts have been occupied with Fargo these days. It's kind of hard not to think about.

More to come soon, I'll try not to stay away for so long this time.

On the 11th Hour of the 11th Day of the 11th Month

Back in July while I was sitting in the airport terminal waiting to board my plane for BlogHer I noticed a nicely dressed woman at the next terminal over pacing the floor. Every so often she'd walk towards the window and look out onto the tarmac, then she'd sit down for a few minutes only to get back up and pace some more. It was obvious that she wasn't boarding the plane for some unknown destination, she had no luggage. She was clearly waiting for someone to arrive on the incoming flight. When the plane finally taxied to it's resting spot, and the doors swung open to let passengers de-plane, I couldn't help but watch as this woman strained her neck to see who was coming towards her. She was looking for someone. She was riddled with anxiety. And then I saw why. A man, dressed in military fatigues made his way through the doorway and in an instant the two were tightly embraced right there in the middle of all these strangers. I sat and looked on, totally overtaken with emotion. It made me feel proud. And humble. And so happy and excited that the soldier in this woman's life made it back onto US soil safely. We all know that not everyone is that lucky. Today is Veterans Day. The 11th day of the 11th month. The day in which we take the time to openly pay tribute to all American veterans, living or deceased, for their patriotism, love of their country and their willingness to serve and sacrifice. "We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude." -Cynthia Ozick To all the veterans in my life, and to all the veterans in yours, I Thank You.

Weekly Winners: 11/1 through 11/7

If you'd like to see more Weekly Winners, head on over to Sarcastic Mom and check them out!

The Beginning of the End

A week ago yesterday I walked into our veterinarian office by myself with our dog Fargo to drop him off for emergency surgery. The day prior a growth that had sprouted up on the top of his right hip; practically out of nowhere several weeks earlier, ruptured. I was working from home the day it happened. The morning I dropped him off it was snowing. As soon as I got back into my vehicle to head to work, I broke down crying. Something in my gut told me that things from that day forward were going to be tough. I never made it into work that day. I tried but I just couldn't pull myself together. After I placed a phone call to my workplace, I turned around and headed home so that I could work remotely. It was a long day to say the least. It's been an even longer week. The vet removed the growth and in the process took some tissue samples from around the growth to have tested. He was certain that it was a mass cell tumor which basically translated to cancer. The surgery left Fargo with a 12 inch incision in his hip area. An incision that required aftercare that we weren't prepared for. But we managed the best we could and tried to make things as comfortable for him as possible. We were overwhelmed. On Sunday afternoon the incision started to separate, the stitches were so tight because of the skin that was removed the day of the surgery, that any sort of movement made it worse. We took him into an emergency veterinarian office for peace of mind, the wound looked horrible and we were worried. The vet that saw Fargo that afternoon advised us to go back to our vet the following day and sent us home with additional medication and something to keep him calm. We made a trip to the vet the following morning and it was decided that we'd just leave the wound alone and treat it the best we could, hoping it would start to heal. The vet wanted to check back in with us later on in the week so we scheduled the appointment and headed home. The vet did call us later that night with the results from the biopsy of the tumor. The tumor was indeed cancer, a stage 3 mass cell tumor - the most aggressive and fast moving type there is. We really weren't hoping for that news but something inside me knew. I just knew. We had another appointment today with the vet. The decision was made to stitch Fargo's wound back together again, but this time using tubing to reinforce the stitches. The vet felt confident that the skin in and around the wound area was soft enough that it would hold together. We also gave the go ahead to have a few lumps that Fargo has had for a while now biopsied just to confirm (but hopefully deny) the thought that the cancer has already started to move. We will find out the results early next week. Fargo is home with us now and is doing well. He's a little groggy from a tranquilizer we gave him but that's okay. At this point we are going to do anything and everything in our power to keep his stitches from splitting open again; which has proven to be difficult considering the level of spunk and activity Fargo has in him. He's always been the most active, the most nosey, the most neurotic of the three dogs. You'd never know he was twelve years old, let alone sick. And I must add that the prognosis isn't good. Two months the vet said worst case scenario. But we are hoping for something better than that, and keeping our fingers crossed in the meantime.