Get By With a Little Help

SO.  We meet again. 

After I went away for a little bit. 

Again.

I can't write here daily like I want to.

Why I pressure myself with the thoughts about it these days, I don't know - I mean other than I like to write.  And I like to connect with those that still read here.  Whether it's visible or not.

Seriously, I put 'blog' on my To-Do List almost every single time I re-write my To-Do List, right there next to 'diet and exercise' which....Yeah.  I don't even want to talk about that. 

Time is moving along quickly.  The kids are damn near out of school already!  Okay fine, they don't get out until mid-May and February isn't quite over yet, but really.  Isaac's taking spelling tests and Keven Jr's taking talented and gifted tests and .... 

They aren't babies anymore.

And while I didn't think I had a problem with that.

I think I have a problem with that!

I have a lot of things bottled up inside of me that as each day goes by is bursting to get out.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm suffering from a mid-life crisis but again....I'm only 35.

And yes, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT TOO.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say, or why I started to write this (other than to update), but here you go. 

HI!  

I'm alive. 

My family is alive.

The pets are alive.

The sun is shining and it appears to be nice-ish outside.  I have stuff to do and so with that:

I'll catch ya on the flip side.

Her Birthday Is On Sunday

She passed away on June 18, 2010.


:: :: ::


Without question, 2009 didn't end on a very good note with both of our beloved dogs passing away within a week of each other.  Yes, it's still hard to believe it's been a little over a year already.

But what we didn't realize was that we were in for a rough 2010 as well.  For a number of reasons - this being one of them.


Keven's grandmother passed away in June of 2010, she was 90+ years old.  We had celebrated her birthday with her just months prior when family from all over gathered in Wyoming to share it with her.  It was a complete surprise to her and to say that it didn't hurt to see her so confused as to what was going on, I'd be lying.


She lost her husband in 1996 I believe but that never slowed her down.  She lived alone.  Her neighbors were always checking in on her and taking care of her, they even had a porch light system - if she was out and about, she turned her porch light on.  If she was home, it was off.  She lived in the same house for 60+ years.  The same house that my father in law lived in growing up.  Her daughter lived a few streets over in the same neighborhood.


In small town Cheyenne, Wyoming.


We went to visit her as much as we could.  I wanted Keven Jr. and Isaac to know her.  To spend time with her.  And without fail, we always enjoyed our visits with her.  We'd go out to eat at the local mall buffet and would even sometimes take her to see her husband in the very same cemetery that she was buried in.  Right beside him.


I feel very fortunate that my kids knew their great-grandmother.  Especially since my grand parents haven't been with us since I was in college.  I had reservations about taking them to her open casket, family only private viewing and then to her funeral services the next day, considering how young they were, but I'm glad that I did.


They had a lot of questions.  They grieved the best way they knew how.  But we handled it - death is real, and I wanted them to be conscience of the circle of life, and understand it, not be afraid.


They still talk about her.  Isaac often times will say something about how she's up in heaven with Fargo and Dakota playing fetch or something.  They'll ask me to look at photos that I've taken of her over the years, and every time I stop what I'm doing and show them.


I started this post many, many months ago and came across it over the weekend.  All it contained were some photos of our last day with her.  I never published it because I didn't have the words to really say much.  It was just easier for me to slip away quietly and not say anything at all.  Which is what I did.


2010 was a rough year, remember?


And then just a little while ago when I glanced at my day planner to see what events and appointments and birthday's were coming up, I saw that I had written her birthday down.


It will be her first birthday since her passing.


Maybe in her own sort of way she was trying to tell me something.....


Mentally I know that she's gone.  But as time passes and our lives remain jammed packed with this and that, you tend to not remember.  Maybe it's on purpose, maybe it's by choice, but that's not really how things should be, should it?  I want to remember.  I want my kids to remember.  I want her family and friends to remember.


She lived a long fulfilling life and it was her time.


I remember how peaceful she looked at the private family viewing.  I remember how Isaac just stood next to her and looked at her.  And asked me if he could touch her.  They had a bond those two, and it was pretty obvious to everyone there that they did.  I can still hear him saying good-bye to her over and over again in heartbreaking sobs.  I still remember thinking that maybe we did the wrong thing by letting him experience death at such a young age.  But now I know that I was doing him a favor, teaching him about life and death.


We haven't been back to Wyoming since her death, but I know we will as soon as we can.  We want to see her in her final resting place, next to her husband again after all these years.